TWFE talks to William Clay Ford

As we all know, William Clay Ford has been silent all season in regard to Matt Millen and his handling of Ford's Detroit Lions. With the season spinning out of control, controversy swirling around Millen's status, and in need of damage control, the Lions front office contacted TWFE. They asked if I'd like to speak to the man, Ford Sr himself, in person.

What follows is our in-depth conversation...


TWFE: I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to TWFE.

WCF: //ZZZZZ//

TWFE: Mr. Ford? Mr. Ford?

WCF: //ZZZZZ...snort...ZZZZZ//

TWFE: Hello?

WCF: //drool//

TWFE: Are you OK? Mr. Ford?

WCF: //wheeze//

TWFE: HEY!!

WCF: //hack...ZZZZZ//

TWFE: William Clay Ford, Jr has just declared Ford Motor bankrupt, your stock is now worthless.

WCF: WHAT! God damn Junior! Call Hoover! I need to talk to the League of Nations! God Damn LIBERALS! Roosevelt is going to ruin this country! Going to Hell in a handbasket. I'm going to have to get with the Skull and Bones Society, have that DAMN Communist taken out with a Gatling gun! Good thing I invested in those bumblebee nickels, I used to say "Give me 5 bees for a quarter!" Those were the days. Now where's the onion for my belt?! Damn LIBERALS! I need a scotch! JEEVES! Scotch, pronto!

TWFE: Sir! Calm down! FoMoCo is still in business. I apologize, Mr. Ford. I just needed to wake you.

WCF: Who the HELL are you!? My new gardener? Here to change my bedpan? Did I ask for a new limo driver? Speak up, boy!

TWFE: Mr. Ford, I'm a blogger from Detroit, a life long Lions fan. I wanted to talk to you abut your Lions.

WCF: What in the HELL is a "Bogger?" You from Louisiana, boy? LOINS? What about my loins? Are you some sort of pervert, boy?

TWFE: THE LIONS, THE LIONS!

WCF: I'm not deaf, boy. Now what about my loins? Did I catch something from that Jew flapper I met during the war? Daddy warned me about...

TWFE: Sir! Not loins! Lions! The NFL team that you own, remember?

WCF: Don't pander to me, boy! What about my footballers? You here to ask why I fired Monte Clark? Go talk to Russ Thomas, boy!

TWFE: Uh, Mr. Ford, Russ Thomas died some 15 years ago. Matt Millen runs your team now.

WCF: Who?

TWFE: Matt Millen, he's president and general manager of your Lions.

WCF: No one manages my loins! Just give me a shot of that new fangled miracle drug, penicillin, and I promise to stay away from those Jew flappers. Now what about my footballers?

TWFE: They are 2-9 right now, and have a good chance of going 2-14.

WCF: 16 games? When did they add 4 games? Damn LIBERALS! Let me ask you a question, boy. Are my footballers making money?

TWFE: Well, I'm told that the TV contract gives each NFL team $100 million a year. Your stadium is sold out for the season. According to Forbes, your team is worth $839 million.

WCF: Goodness, I didn't know that the Dumont Network could afford that kind of money. Those Communists in the AFL trying to horn in on our monopoly must have been good for footballing business. So my footballers are doing well. Good, good, Russ is doing a GREAT job.

TWFE: Financially, yes. On the field though, they are God awful. Matt Millen has taken what was a near playoff team, and run them into the ground. Don't you want to win a title?

WCF: What about Y.A. Tittle? Mara and the Giants would never trade him. I could tell you stories about ol' Wellington Mara! HA! What? Oh yeah, quarterbacks. Russ tells me that Milt Plum is a fine T-formation quarterback. He's clean cut, a right hander, and white. Sounds like a very good QB to me, boy! I'm hearing good things about Bill Munson though, so Milt best look out! I'm glad we didn't draft that Namath character. Russ said he's a damn long haired hippie. JEEVES! Where's my scotch!?

TWFE: Uh...OK... Let's move on. What do you have to say about the "Fire Millen" phenomena? Detroit Lion fans despise Millen. There are websites, protest marches, signs everywhere, the fanbase is revolting, the media wants him gone, everyone is asking you to "Fire Millen."

WCF: Revolting? I agree! They're bastards too! Bunch of blue collar union joining Socialists. No one tells a Ford what to do, boy! No one! If I thought this "Millen" character, as you call him, could do the job managing my team of footballers, then I'm going to let him do so. I'm staying out of it. I'm perfectly happy when I'm down in Florida, drinking scotch by the gallon, counting my bumblebee nickels, and banging flappers. It's good to be a Ford!

TWFE: I'm sure it is, sir.

WCF: Hell yes it is! Those Communist Kennedy's have nothing on the Fords! I need to go drain the snake, where's my pissboy?! PISSBOY!

TWFE: Sir, a couple of more questions, if I could. Are you ever going to fire Matt Millen?

WCF: Who? Are you talking about the square headed goof with the funny mustache? He makes me laugh. I'll keep him around for shits and giggles, and if doing so pisses off the revolting Socialists, then that's all the better. WHERE'S MY SCOTCH DAMMIT!?

TWFE: Last question. Why did you keep Wayne Fontes around so long? He was a clown masquerading as a football coach.

WCF: Clown? Fontes? Who? Oh, you mean Freddy! I called that funny looking guy Fred Flintstone! He gave great foot massages. Told a good joke too. Did he have something to do with my footballers?

TWFE: Thanks for your time, Mr. Ford.

WCF: Who are you? Jeeves, have this man shot immediately.

The Detroit Tigers just made the smartest signing of the off season...

...in inking Ramon Santiago to a 1 year 500K contract.

Why on earth do I think so?

As it most likely insures that we've seen the last of the Black Hole of Suck, Neifi Perez, as a Tiger. It better insure that, as the Santiago contract would make little sense otherwise. Do the Tigers really need TWO no-hit, good-field utility infielders?

The only other reason for this signing, that I can think of, is that the Tigers won't resign Omar Infante. That would, in my mind, make even less sense as he was one of the few bench players who isn't totally lost at the plate.

The Tigers seem to have a logjam of utility infielders. I'd prefer a logjam of power hitting left handed bats, but you can't have everything...

DIBS awards for 2006

The Detroit Independent Baseball Scribes, better known as DIBS, named their various Tiger players of the year today.

The winners for 2006:

Player of the Year - Carlos Guillen
Pitcher of the Year - Kenny Rogers
Breakout Player of the Year - Justin Verlander
Postseason Performer - Kenny Rogers

Head over to Tigers Central for the voting breakdown and full DIBS press release.

I read Ian's reasoning for the picks on his DIBS ballot. As I'm in favor of full disclosure, I'll show you how I voted.

Player of the year:
1. Carlos Guillen
2. Kenny Rogers
3. Justin Verlander

MVP awards, fr the most part, go to position players, and Guillen was the Tigers best everyday player. You could easily make a case for Kenny Rogers, and if he had won, I would have had no problem with it. Not that Guillen doesn't deserve the Player of the Year honor. Save for his occasional fielding miscues, Guillen did everything well. It's a shame that Guillen doesn't get the national acclaim he richly deserves. Guillen is just as much the player, if not better than, the media darling that is Derek Jeter. Hopefully the Tigers long playoff run will help to correct that slight, and Guillen will get credit as one of the elite shortstops in MLB.

Pitcher of the year:
1. Kenny Rogers
2. Justin Verlander
3. Todd Jones

As good as Verlander was in his rookie season, and he was good to great for 2/3 of the season, The Gambler was the Tigers best, and most consistent, pitcher overall. He became the stopper that they've lacked since Jack Morris fled to Minnesota. It was a year of redemption for Rogers, he deserved to win this award, in my mind, going away. As much as I ripped on Todd Jones during the regular season, I had to give Todd Jones credit for his 37 saves, despite his knack for causing Tiger fans' hair to gray prematurely.

Breakout player of the year:
1. Justin Verlander
2. Curtis Granderson
3. Joel Zumaya

Verlander won AL Rookie of the Year, was the best pitcher in baseball for a long stretch, and exceeded everyone's already high expectations. When Granderson played well, the Tigers won. When he didn't, neither did the Tigers. In his first full season, Granderson showed that he'll be one of the Tigers' core players for a very long time. Zumaya was unhittable at times, and exciting all the time. But as a middle relief guy, important as his contributions were, I just couldn't bring myself to put him higher on my ballot.

Postseason performer:
1. Kenny Rogers
2. Sean Casey
3. Placido Polanco

To me, this was the no-brainer of the lot. Pine tar or not, Rogers was the star of the postseason. He had a playoff for the ages. Whenever I think of The Gambler's dominating performance against the Yankees in the ALDS, I still smile. The Mayor was the only position player to show up in the World Series, despite being injured. A .529 batting average is definitely considered "Showing up." I wasn't going to hold Polanco's unfortunate World Series performance against him, as he was a constant on-base presence in the first 2 playoff rounds, winning the ALCS MVP in the process. So I couldn't leave him off my ballot, but I had to drop him to 3rd. Plus the GF wouldn't be happy if I had not given Polonco his props, as her "Polly" is by far her favorite ballplayer...

Dave Dombrowski, baseball's Nostradamus

Being away from TWFE for 10 days, I haven't had a chance to comment on the fiscal insanity that has overtaken MLB over the past 2 weeks. After seeing the money owners have been throwing around in a weak free agent market, don't the deals the Tigers cut with Sean Casey and Gary Sheffield look that much better in hindsight?

You have to give Dave Dombrowski credit. He must have seen this craziness coming, moved swiftly, and acted accordingly. Why else would he have not given a second thought to the contract he gave Sheffield? As many were wondering what in the Hell Dombrowski was smoking, the market quickly changed. Sheffield's contract began to look like a bargain, with a sensible length.

As you know, I continually pimped on TWFE for the Tigers to acquire Alfonso Soriano, right up to the trade deadline. But if I had known it was going to take an absolutely crazy type of deal, similar to the contract Juan Gone turned down oh so many years ago, to keep him in the Old English D? To be honest, I might not have been quite so enthusiastic. I can live with Craig Monroe in left field and The Mayor at first for another season. The Cubs will be paying for Soriano's career year for a long, LONG time.

I was on the road with the GF Up North, reading the latest news on my Sprint Fusic, when I first heard about the Astros signing Carlos Lee. After I read the details, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oh my God, what where the Astros thinking?" Obviously, any team that plays the punchless Brad Ausmus full time needs hitting...Desperately.

But come on! We can all agree that Carlos Lee is a very good hitter. I think we can also agree that he's not 6 years at 100 million dollars worth of very good, though. That contract is going to be an albatross on the Astros 3-4 years down the line, especially in the National League, as Lee will be DH material sooner than later. Much sooner. Giving Sheffield, who is a better bat than Lee, those extra 2 years at 13 million per suddenly seems more than reasonable.

I wasn't at all happy to see Jamie Walker leave the Tigers. He has been a solid situational reliever for several years. But you don't give LOOGY's multi-year, 12 million dollar contracts, let alone to one that is 36 years old. I'm happy for Walker in that he got his one big payday, but I'm even happier that it won't be the Tigers paying him. It won't be that hard for the Tigers to find a replacement.

Those are just 3 examples of baseball's out of control spending. And there is no sign that it's going to stop. When JD Drew finally signs, and from all accounts, it's going to be a massive contract, I'm positive that will just leave us shaking our heads, wondering how much money the owners must be making to allow them to make such silly, shortsighted deals.

So I'm not upset that the Tigers have been sitting out the insanity. You might say that it's not my money, so what's the big deal in spending it? You don't go crazy in an already crazy market when you have core players due for BIG raises in the next couple of seasons. Jeremy Bonderman, Carlos Guillen, Brandon Inge, and Craig Monroe, to name just a few, are due for big money, multi-year deals. I don't want to see the Tigers hamstrung by a series of questionable contracts, either in dollar amount, length, or both, as they were after Dean Palmer, Damion Easley and Bobby Higginson were signed. Talk about dead money...

There's nothing wrong with the Tigers current method of operation. It's not as if the Tigers are being cheap, as their payroll is going to be in the 90 million range, and going higher by the season. And as shown by the signings of Pudge, Ordonez, and Sheffield, the Tigers have shown that they aren't afraid to give out above market deals. They are playing their dollar cards close to the vest, strategically targeting players they think will help, without strangling their future flexibility.

It just goes to show that the Tigers own Nostradamus, Dave Dombrowski, is smarter than the average bear, or should I say, Cub.

Have the Lions hit rock bottom?

"Rock bottom"

It's a quite descriptive term. We all know what it means. You just don't always know it when you see it. The Lions have had several points in our lifetimes where we thought they had hit the proverbial "Rock bottom."

We've seen Russ Thomas pissing off players, coaches, and fans alike, never doing anything but ensuring the Lions made a profit, yet still keeping his GM job for decades. Don McCafferty passing away, the Lions job literally killing him. Gary Danielson and Joe Reed both knocked out for the season in the same exhibition game, ensuring a no-talent, never-will-be, nobody rookie named Jeff Komlo would QB the Lions to their worst record ever.

We've seen Darryl Rogers, knowing he was a lame duck, spending his remaining time as Lions head coach not giving a shit. The patron saint of this blog, Wayne Fontes, burning through seemingly dozens of quarterbacks and coordinators, keeping William Clay Ford just confused enough to keep his job 3 years too long. Bobby Ross going for 2. Then Ross becoming so fed up with the poisonous Lions atmosphere, that he walked away from a playoff caliber team midseason. Marty taking the wind. Mooch letting the inmates run the asylum. Matt Millen taking wide receivers number one in three consecutive drafts.

Then came the bad joke that was Thanksgiving Day 2006.

The Lions embarrassed themselves not only as a team, but as an organization as a whole. It's one thing to be a bad football team. But it's all together something else to turn a big time franchise into a bush league laughingstock. Yet, the Lions managed to do so.

Where do you start? The afternoon was painful to witness, from start to finish. You had an entire organization doing more than attempting to outright embarrass Joey Harrington, but attacking him personally. Between playing "Piano Man," announcing his name even though he wasn't being introduced, and Joey Blue Skies being continually shown on the scoreboard big screen in attempts to get the crowd to boo him, it all was nothing but pure vindictiveness.

When you cause SI's normally mild mannered Peter King to stop writing about coffee and the Patriots, and go off on the actions of your team, things are rotten, from the inside out.

I think there are bush-league things that happen in this league, and then there's what happened at Ford Field on Thanksgiving with former Lions quarterback Joey Harrington. The Miami defense was introduced before the game to the tune of "Piano Man,'' a snide reminder of Harrington's skill at playing the piano. Then, after the final Miami defender got introduced, the PA man introduced Harrington -- to tremendous boos. You either introduce the defense or the offense, and not both, and when Harrington was introduced, the PA guy was introducing a guy who wasn't there to be introduced. Obviously it was done to whip the home crowd into a frenzy against a guy who tried as hard as he could in his four Detroit years and just failed miserably. What a bullying, crass and bush-league stunt. Stupid, classless, and very, very small.

For a (So-called) NFL franchise to treat their former starting QB as a carnival sideshow? Firing him, and his teammates, up all the more? With national media in attendance? On the one day the Lions are paid attention to by the entire nation? Just another show of the Lions' absolute stupidity at it's most shortsighted. It was an amazing show of collective idiocy.

The attack on Harrington, no matter how badly he played with the Lions, (And he was damn awful) was undeserved, uncalled for, and unprofessional.

Speaking of unprofessional...

The play on the field was just as bad as the actions off of it. Jon Kitna spent the majority of the game either running for his life, or on his back. With Kevin Jones out, combined with the Lions' shocking lack of depth, there was literally NO running game. Not that Mike Martz would ever call a running play, even if his life depended on it. The Lions couldn't get their one elite level player, Roy Williams, the ball after the 1st quarter. The defense couldn't stop a Pop Warner team, let alone the Fish. Harrington riddled the secondary at will, the same secondary which Millen has spent ungodly amounts of free agent dollars and numerous draft picks upon.

To be honest, none of that was unexpected, as it's just more of the same.

After the game was just as damning to the Lions. Harrington's biggest and loudest critic, Dre' Bly, was nowhere to be found. The Lions biggest talker had nothing to say. The architect of the Lions, incompetent boob Matt Millen, was incommunicado, as he has been all season. The Fords? Out of the state, hopefully in exile. The only person with something to say, Sgt. Marinelli, continued to spew his worn out platitudes, saying plenty, but really saying nothing at all.

If I hear Marinelli say "We have to continue to pound the rock," and "I'm going to teach" one more time... The Lions are getting worse by the week, with no sign of getting better. At this point, results are speaking volumes over words. I doubt Marinelli's platitudes aren't reaching anyone other than Millen, when he's not distracted by shiny things and jangling car keys.

So... Have the Lions hit rock bottom? Definitely.

To put it simply, the entire Thanksgiving debacle was a clueless show of ineptitude by a classless team run by an incompetent boob owned by a senile blueblood elitist. In other words, it's the Detroit Lions in a nutshell.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Miami Dolphins, Joey Harrington, Matt Millen, Thanksgiving, NFL, football

Back from the north country

I've finally returned to SE MI, after spending 4 days, as we Michiganders like to say, Up North. I was the Alpena area, to be exact. I was traveling with the GF, who, amazingly enough, didn't tire of my antics. She's a keeper!

A wonderful trip was had by all. One place I have to recommend from our visit is the Hubbard Lake Tavern, where the GF and I spent our Wednesday night imbibing, socializing, and having a great time in general.

While I was away, the only game I got to see in full was the Lions annual Turkey Day embarrassment. Not even shots of homemade Applejack were enough to get me thru that debacle unscathed. Other than suffering with the Lions, and watching some the NFL yesterday, in spending most of the week away from the blog I was away from sports as well.

Now that I'm feeling refreshed, I'll be back to my daily snarkiness. You can expect my thoughts on the events of the last week a little later this afternoon.

Thanks for bearing with me as I recharged my batteries.

Gone fishin', metaphorically speaking...

If there is a week to take off from posting, a short holiday week is the time to do it. That being said, I'm taking the rest of the week away from TWFE.

I'm just getting over a stomach virus, and I'll be heading Up North with the GF for the weekend in a couple of hours, so the blog is taking a back seat for the week. Factor in that I'm feeling a little burned out after posting almost daily for 11 months, and I think taking a short hiatus will be in mine, and the blog's, best interest.

The earliest I'll be back on line will be Sunday. I'll be back posting on Monday, 11/27. Promise.

Everyone have a great Thanksgiving holiday! Thanks for reading!

Big Al

Posting called on account of...

...my being sick! Ill, that is. I have lots on my mind, but not feeling close to 100% due to being waylaid by a virus. I'm number 5, and last, in the family to catch it.

Hopefully, I'll be back with a semblance of lucidity tomorrow.

A tale of 2 franchises, as shown by 2 signings

The 2 dominant franchises in Detroit both announced roster additions today.

The American League champion Tigers resigned their leading hitter in the World Series. The Mayor, Sean Casey, was inked to a 1 year free agent deal.

Say what you will about Sean Casey, that he's slow, injury prone, and lacks power. But I have no problem with the Casey signing. The reason being is that you can see the Tigers' simple logic behind the signing.

The Tigers needed a patient left handed bat, one who doesn't strike out, and has a decent OBP. Preferably, he should be either a corner outfielder or first sacker. Sean Casey isn't the perfect solution, but he was the best of a very shallow first base free agent crop. He'll be a perfectly capable stopgap player for one season. He's not signed long term, it's to a reasonable 4 million dollar deal, and he wants to be here. The Mayor is also well known for his positive locker room presence, popular with players and fans alike, who will be the yin to Gary Sheffield's possible head case yang.

The Tigers have a plan, and are sticking to it. That is to win with pitching, develop it within the farm system, use their pitching surplus as trade bait in upgrading their roster, and use free agency to plug position player holes while waiting for position help to develop in the minors.

I don't think we can argue with the results.

Then we have the hapless, laughable, continually clueless Lions.

The odds on favorite to have the number one overall draft pick in the 2007 NFL draft announced the resigning of WR Corey Bradford. What? The same Corey Bradford that incompetent boob Matt Millen touted as one of their big off season free agent signings? The same Corey Bradford that was unceremoniously waived 3 games into the season as being unable to grasp Mike Martz's offense? That Corey Bradford? Yes, that Cory Bradford...

I'm lost. First, we're told that Bradford is the solution. Then he's considered dead weight, and sent packing. Now he's back? Welcomed with open arms? On top of which, Bradford will most likely see considerable playing time on Sunday? I'm at a loss for words.

Bradford automatically becomes the #3 receiver. That's after spending the last 2 months walking the streets of Detroit, unable to get open and dropping everything he picked up. He follows a season long line of undistinguished backup wide outs such as Az-Akim, Kevin Kaspar, Shawn Bodiford, Glenn Martinez, Devale Ellis. Let alone the abysmal failures that was Charles Rogers and is Mike Williams.

The revolving door of receivers should be hilarious, but long ago crossed over the line into utter, incomprehensible stupidity.

Do the Lions have a plan? Any kind of long term goal? Other than shooting for a top 10 draft pick every year, that is? If there is some sort of method to the Lions madness, I can't figure it out.

The Lions just seem to be stumbling from one signing to the next, throwing good money after bad, hoping to be lucky rather than good with their player personnel decisions, always addressing the symptom, but never the cause.

Today's signings show the rapidly reversing fortunes of these 2 franchises in a nutshell. If you consider the Tigers a healthy, vibrant franchise, you'd have to call the Lions a dying one. If you called 911 about the Lions, we wouldn't see Gage and DeSoto come to the rescue. You'd send the coroner, as the Lions would be considered DOA.

The Lions official cause of death? Terminal idiocy.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Detroit Lions, MLB, NFL

I'm having trouble putting Michigan - tOSU into words, but I'm going to try

It's Michigan - Ohio State week, 3 days before the biggest game in many a moon, and I'm not sure what I really have to add to the debate.

First off, the Wolverines bloggers (Many of who are linked on TWFE sidebar), with their blanket coverage, are all over the game like Charles Woodson on Terry Glenn. In no way can I top what they have to say. They have watched every game with the same intensity that Cheatypants McSweaterVest watched over Maurice Clarett. Wait.. Bad example. Let me try again. They have watched every game with the same fiery intensity as Bo's hatred for the forward pass. Unfortunately, I watched the first half of the Wolverines season with my eyes square on the Tigers. And I'm not talking about LSU. Speaking of such...

The Tigers World Series run took the majority of my attention over much of Michigan's season. I did watch every Wolverines game, even if I had to catch a couple on the DVR. But I didn't watch the early part of the season nearly as closely as I do in most years, especially when compared to the last time U of M was in this position, 1997. I think many in SE MI, more so those who aren't alumni (Myself included), had their attention diverted. I'm not a casual fan of Michigan football, but in many ways, I feel like I'm still catching up.

Something else that comes to mind when writing about this centuries first true "Game of the Century," is that I don't like to criticize college ballplayers. Hell, they are playing for our entertainment, and only getting room, board, and tuition (Well, a little more in the case of tOSU players) in return, while the universities and the ever hypocritical NCAA make billions off of their considerable efforts. The universities are always fair game, in my mind. The players, not quite so much.

On the other hand, I have no problem at all going after Cheatypants McSweaterVest and Lloyd "Can't spell Llllloyd without 5 L's" Carr. but you can't really complain about an undefeated team. Even if the good guys lose, and to be brutally honest, I'm leaning in that direction, they get the best consolation prize a college coach could ask for, the Rose Bowl. I never thought I'd be calling calling the Rose Bowl a consolation prize, but it's a new college football world we are living in. 12-0, with a title game appearance, or 11-1, with a trip to the Rose Bowl? Honestly, I wouldn't have thought either were possible before Michigan started the season. Shows what I know...

Still, despite everything, the passion is there for the Big Game, and growing stronger. How could it not, considering I grew up during the "10 Year War." Michigan vs. tOSU will always be the biggest game of the year.

I'll be reading, listening, and watching every bit of information about the greatest rivalry in all of sports. It's the God damn bucknuts! That pretentiously (tOSU? A lower case "t?" Please!) evil school that pays players thugs, in that hick town where any Michigander takes their lives in their hands just driving thru, in that backwards ass state that gave the Shrub the election, coached by the smarmiest Teflon coated S.O.B in college sports.

I cannot wait for 3:30 PM Saturday, where nothing else in life will matter but the Michigan Wolverines being victorious.

Go Blue!

Tags: Michigan, Ohio State, NCAA, college football

Like the newspapers, bloggers have to make corrections, too

1. As the always on the ball Eno pointed out in the comments, I had the score wrong in yesterday's post. He thinks I blacked out for 2 scores. He may right. So... The actual score of the Lions loss to the 49er's is...Aw, screw it. We all know the score, and I got sloppy. No, not sloppy drunk. I was with the GF, so I was on somewhat good behavior. She reminded me that I told her the score was 16-10, rather than 19-13, too. Why? The Hell if I know. Were talking about the Lions, so does it make a difference, anyway? Didn't think so...

2. The GF also reminded me that even though we saw Tim Horton's mascot in the stands, (As we called him, Cup 'O Joe, Eh), the actual on field mascot race was run with the Dunkin' Donuts mascots, Biggie Bagel, Dashing Donut, and my personal favorite, Cuppy Coffee. I stand corrected. Hey, at least she reads the blog, right?

A Detroit Lions football survial guide

If you are looking for a breakdown on the ugliness that incompetent boob Matt Millen has brought upon us, you won't find it here, not today anyway. I'm done with breaking down the Lions' deficiencies, as what more is there ro be said? The Lions suck, and they suck hard. Nothing is going to change anytime soon. For more on the Lions suckage, check out what Ian and Eno have to say about the latest debacle, a 16-10 loss to the awful 49er's. I agree with both of their thoughts. What they have to say isn't pretty. But if you want some advice as how to survive what remains of another lousy Lions season, please read on.

I witnessed in person the Lions - 49er's display of something remotely resembling NFL football this past Sunday. The tickets were a birthday gift from the GF. We had a great time, in spite of the horrible football we witnessed. She treats this undeserving blogger quite well, by the way. I'm a lucky guy. But I digress...

As a public service to all of Lions fandom, I've developed 4 ways of coping with the neverending downward spiral that is Detroit Lions football. Feel free to take notes, as this may save your sanity as Marinelli, Martz, Henderson, Millen, and Ford run this once proud franchise into the ground.

1. Drink heavily.


Unfortunately, this coping mechanism is a double edged sword. It dulls the pain that is a Jon Kitna turnover quite well. But it's the most expensive way with dealing with Lions suckitude. $8.25 a Labatt's is God damn expensive therapy. Let alone I had to walk halfway around the concourse as the upper deck end zone we were in was overrun with F'n Bud Lite. If I want to drink swill, I best be paying swill prices. Hell, at $8.25 a brew, I should be served tasty beer manna from heaven by nubile naked virgins, served in always chilled golden goblets. No such luck at Ford Field. Instead, it gets you watered down Bud in thin plastic cups, which forces you to guzzle it, lest it get piss warm. Piss warm swill, otherwise known as the Champagne of Lions football. The things we do to get through a game. Sure isn't pretty, or taste good...

2. The extra-curriculars can be more entertaining than the football.


This just may have been the most exciting part of the game. No, it's not a Roy Williams dropped pass. Nor a Kevin Jones fumble. It isn't an Ernie Sims missed tackle or a Stanley Wilson dropped interception. It was the thrill a minute Tim Horton's Coffee vs. Bagel vs. Donut race. As shown by the distant action at the 25 yard line in the photo above, the race was a nailbiter, and the crowd was more into this than watching Jon Kitna throw another drive killing pick. The Donut showed impressive speed, and took the down the coffee and bagel with a final stretch kick. Considering the constant turnover at wide receiver, expect the Tim Horton's Donut as the number 3 wide out next week. Personally, I think it'd be worth Matt Millen looking into the availability of the Milwaukee Brewers' racing sausages, they may be the most fleet of foot foods around...

3. Show your displeasure with the disgusting display by our favorite NFL team. (Term used quite loosely)


I wasn't the only one fed up with the whole cluster that was the 49er's loss. The GF, who had never attended a Lions game before, was quite amused with the collective level of bile shown by the Lions fans surrounding us. Many tried tip #1, with much success. Which lead to them using tip #3 with much profane gusto. Some tried to start "Fire Millen" chants, but were met with little enthusiasm. I saw more apathy from the fans than anything else. Others took their feelings out on the numerous San Francisco fans in attendance. Most were like myself, and just were fed up with the whole damn mess. We used the universal hand sign for utter disdain. The Detroit Lions, always #1 in my heart...

4. Shut down your emotions.


This was the look on my face after Kitna threw into triple (!) coverage on the final fruitess and futile drive. In fact, that's pretty much how I looked after every lions' miscue, and there were many. As you can see, that's not the look of a fan who cares deeply. Not anymore, anyway. I no longer feel the need to show rage or frustration. I used to. Didn't do anything but give me high blood pressure. So why should I bother? The results on the field doesn't seem to bother the best 2-7 football team in existence (As they continue to insist their delusional minds) , so I'm not going to let it bother me. Life is too damn short, even for this Dennis Hopper lookalike... (According to the significant)

Everyone, if you value your sanity, please take my advice. You'll live a longer and happier life while watching our unlovable losers, otherwise known as the Detroit Lions, bumble their way to a top 5 draft pick.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, football, NFL

The Tigers off season was to be titled, "Desperately Seeking a Thumper." Instead try, "Finding Gary Sheffield"

Gary Sheffield is now a Detroit Tiger. After hearing the cost of 3 minor league pitchers, I have to say the deal gets The Wayne Fontes Experience seal of approval!


This is the trade you make when you are a team that wants, and has, to win now. This is territory the Tigers haven't tread in 20 years, and we best get used to it.

The Tigers, at least in the field, are not a young team. Core players such as Pudge, Ordonez, Guillen, and Polanco are all on the sweet side of 30, with not much in the minor league pipeline to replace them. Pitching is a different story, but other than Cameron Maybin, there isn't another can't miss position player in their system.

"Win now" has to become the Tigers fan mantra.

The time for the Tigers to hoard prospects, and hope that a few pan out, are officially over. The Tigers are an organization who have to live in the present and near future. As Tiger fans, we'd become used to the Tigers not being in the market for big time players, and worrying more about the distant future than the present. Remember, this was a team that was 3 wins shy of winning the World Series. That's a contender, not a team that hopes to be one.

Contenders make 3 for 1, dealing their prospects for a proven star, type of trades. Contenders have a window of opportunity that won't stay open indefinitely. The Tigers can't sit on their hands, or hope that they will find their all of their fixes via free agency. The AL Central division is too competitive for that.

The Tigers are a contender, and Sheffield makes them better. Now. In 2008. And they didn't touch the major league core.

It's not as if the Tigers had to break up their major league staff to get Sheffield. They gave up 3 minor leaguers, admittedly with, possibly considerable, upside. Thing is, it takes value to get value. Humberto Sanchez and Kevin Whelan, 2 of the pitchers the Tigers gave up, definitely have value. But they were still minor leaguers, and there's no guarantee that they will be productive big leaguers. Sanchez has never been able to stay healthy, Whelan is in the bullpen in Single A, and the other prospect, Anthony Clagget, I've never even heard of.

On the flip side, Gary Sheffield is a proven big time ballplayer. Hell, he's more than proven, he is feared as a hitter. that's something you can't say about anyone else in the Tigers current lineup. As long as Sheffield stays healthy, and there is no reason tho think that he won't, pencil him in for over 30 home runs, 110 RBI, .300 average, and an a higher OBP than most anyone on the roster other than Carlos Guillen. He automatically becomes the cleanup hitter. Sheffield will make Magglio Ordonez, and the rest of the batting order, better, just by his presence.

Do I have some reservations? Sure, how could you not? Every trade has risk. Sheffield has been known to be "Vocal" in the clubhouse when he's not happy. He is 38. Where in the field is he going to play? We all saw how bad Sheffield was at 1st in the playoffs. There's an awful lot of Comerica ground to cover if he plays a corner outfield position. The prospects may end up being good major leaguers.

In response... Sheffield has $13 million reasons per season extended over 3 seasons to be happy. Jim Leyland had to put his stamp of approval on the trade, and he has coached Sheffield in the past. If the Marlboro Man likes it, then I do as well. Leyland won a title with Sheffield, and Dave Dombrowski, for that matter, with the Marlins, so they have a good history together. He may be 38, but Sheffield has shown no signs of slowing down. Plug him in as the DH, and just let him rip. If he does play some outfield, he's no worse than Ordonez, and probably better. As for his injury this season, it wasn't due to any kind of physical breakdown, but due to a 1st base collision.

As for the players the Tigers gave up, you have to factor in the odds that a minor leaguer is much more likely to not pan out, than even sniff at stardom. It's not as if any of the pitchers were considered can't miss Justin Verlander - Andrew Miller types. They have potential, but not that kind of upside.

I'm thrilled that the Tigers are aggressive in addressing their needs. Even though the Tigers did win the pennant, their offensive needs are considerable. Obtaining Sheffield is a gamble, but I like the odds that the Tigers will be winners in the deal. Especially in the short term...

What's even better news is the impression we are getting from the Tigers that this is the start of their off season moves, and not the end.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Gary Sheffield, Yankees, baseball, MLB

Everything I know about the Lions, I learned from Foghorn Leghorn

Last Sunday, DeAngelo Hall cheap shotted Jon Kitna with a forearm to the head will Kitna was in mid slide. Now Dominic Raiola wants Hall's head on a stick. Hall has given beat writers his phone and address to give to Raiola in response.

I can see why Hall is laughing about the whole tempest in a teapot. It wouldn't be much of a fight, as Hall would just have to put his hand against Raiola's head and let him flail away with his T-Rex like arms. Raiola would windmill away, arms flailing like Henery Chickenhawk going after Foghorn Leghorn, and would never touch Hall.

As Foghorn himself might say about our favorite alligator armed center, "I say, I-I-I say that boy's strong as an ox, and just about as smart..."

Then again, that quote could cover most of the Lions roster. In fact, Foghorn Leghorn could be considered a sage, a wise prophet, when it comes to football (With that accent, he HAS to be a fan of the SEC), and especially the boys in the Honolulu blue and silver.

For example, here's Foghorn on...

Matt Millen: "That dog's got just the head for it. Pointed, that is..."

Matt Millen deciding to can Steve Mariucci: "I'll just have it out with the boss! It's that kid or me! One of us has gotta go!!"

Fernando Bryant: "Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind."

'Dre Bly: "Boy, your lips are movin' but you ain't saying nothin"

Roy Williams: "If that kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned."

Roy Williams, redux: "Gotta mouth like an outboard motor, All the time puttputtputtputtputtputt!"

Mike Williams: "The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball."

Mike Williams ability to lean the offense: "I don't think this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no."

Mike Williams' role in the offense: "Boy! Where'd you go, boy? You plum vanished!"

Mike Williams' build: "His muscles are as soggy as a used tea bag."

Ernie Sims head: "I have my BANDAGES to keep me warm!"

Shawn Rogers: "I'm just a loud mouthed schnook."

Naked fast food eating drunken driving coach Joe Cullen: "That dawg is strictly G.I. -- Gibbering Idiot!"

Sgt. Marinelli: "That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal."

Marinelli being named Lions' head coach: "I WON! I WON! I WON! Hey...There must have been some way I coulda lost."

Marinelli cutting Charles Rogers: "Well, we got rid of that fox, and that's only the beginning"

Marinelli installing the Tampa 2 defense: "This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!"

Mike Martz's thoughts about possible head coach openings: "Someone - I say - Someone mention my name?"

Martz to Joey Harrington's during their infamous QB meeting: "Eh...any of this gettin' through that little ol' blue bonnet of yours?"

Martz's thoughts about Joey Blue Skies after that meeting: "A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on."

The receivers learning Martz's offense: "That boy's got his signals mixed. He's going the wrong way!"

Jon Kitna talking of the WR's tendency to drop passes: "The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em."

Learning Az-Akim had lost his speed: "Boy's like a dead horse...Got no get-up-and-go!"

The correct way to play DB: "I-I-I say, you gotta keep on your toes."

The lack of talent on the Lions' roster: "As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff."

The lack of Lions cheerleaders: "I don't see no hula hula girls."

A Lions fan's thoughts on the hiring of Millen: "We have been flim-flammed."

A Lions fan's attention span during the the Tigers' run: "Go away, boy, ya bother me!"

A Lions fan after another loss: "Every day it's the same thing."

The Lions season: "Oh doggy, you're gonna get your lumps, Oh doggy, you're gonna get some bumps!"

About the Lions futility in general: "Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'."

Could it be any more obvious that Foghorn Leghorn is a life long Detroit Lions fan?

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Foghorn Leghorn, NFL, football

Louisville vs Rutgers would be a great game...On the basketball floor

Tonight's meeting between Louisville and Rutgers is a pivotable game in the national title chase, with huge BCS implications. Come on now. Stop the joking and let's be serious.

Huh? This isn't a bad joke? Rutgers? Louisville? What kind of world are we living in? A college football bizarro world, we can all agree. I'm not sure I like this new bizarro football world. It seems to me that teams who play games on Thursday aren't normally the sort you would think would even sniff national title contention.

Does anyone seriously think that Louisville would survive a Big 10, SEC, Pac 10, or Big 12 type of schedule unscathed? You look at the Big East, with Rutgers and Louisville at the top of the standings, and I see a glorified MAC. They would be a second tier team in a serious football conference. Any team that let West Virginia run unfettered through their defense for a total of 575 yards is not a national title threat. A threat to my sensibilities, maybe. A threat to be embarrassed in a BCS game, definitely. But not a threat for the mythical national title.

As for Rutgers? Don't make me laugh. That tonight is the biggest game in the Rutgers' history says volumes.

Neither of these teams have played anyone decent. No, "The U" doesn't count, not this season. Then again, most teams in the national title hunt haven't exactly been tested most weeks.

It's unfortunate that we don't see the big intersectional matchups anymore. Since no one wants to play anyone remotely tough in their out of conference schedule, or only one semi-tough game at best, college football fans are stuck with the likes of Lousiville and Rutgers (GAK!) being the featured game of the week. On a Thursday night, for chrissake.

Games with national title implications aren't played on a Thursday. Teams that are desperate for TV time on the Worldwide Leader play on Thursday. From where do the teams normally hail on the Worldwide Leader's Thursday night game? From conferences like the MAC, Big East, Conference USA, and Mountain West, which does not exactly make for a college football murderer's row. That isn't even a manslaughterer's row. If you ask me, pranksters row seems to fit.

That Louisville and Rutgers are dominating college football's BCS talk may just be the biggest prank of all.

Tags: Louisville, Rutgers, BCS, NCAA, college football

Is Mike Martz more imporant to the Lions than Rod Marinelli?

In today's Mlive Lions opinion piece, Killer Kowalski implies as such...

The first -- and really only -- question Millen must ask is this: If Martz takes a head coaching job in the off-season, how much will it damage the growth and potential success of the Lions' offense?

Kitna would likely tell Millen what he suspects already: that losing Martz will be devastating. It's not just the X's and O's of the offense; any other coach could pick that up and do a decent job coaching it. No, it's everything else that goes with it.

Devastating? Well, think about it. If Martz is one and done, a short timer only here to repair his reputation, as many thought would be the case when he signed, it would have to be considered a massive blow to the Lions.


But this is when Killer gets a tad carried away.

Millen has to tell Marinelli: "I'm going to throw a ton of money at Martz so we can keep him here for a couple of years -- and he'll likely make a lot more money than you. Are you cool with that?"

If Marinelli says yes -- and there's no reason to believe he wouldn't -- then it's time for Millen to dial up owner William Clay Ford.

Millen's pitch: "Mr. Ford, we're going to be paying Steve Mariucci $5 million in 2007 NOT to coach. Is it so crazy to throw $5 million at Martz to keep him and actually give us a chance to win?"

$5 million? You really want to do that? Seriously? Paying an assistant top tier head coach money? Talk about setting a precedent. Think that Millen and Ford might get some grief from around the league?

The legend in his own mind Martz may be worth it as a head coach, but as an offensive coordinator? You give Martz that much dinero, especially more than Marinelli, then what are you saying? The Lions might as well be telling the players that Martz is the defacto head coach. For that matter, you would be telling EVERYONE, the league, the media, the coaching staff, the fans, that self designated super genius Martz is more important than your current head coach. You would cut the legs right out from underneath Sgt. Marinelli.

I'm still not sold on the Sarge, but he won't have a chance in Hell of succeeding if that incompetent boob Matt Millen follows the Killer's advice. I think we can all agree that Killer's scenario will never happen.

But let's go back to my question. Is Martz more important to the Lions than the head coach, Marinelli? Right now? Yes, without question. The Lions are winning because of their, or should I say, Martz's, offense.

It sure isn't because of the defense, where the Sarge was supposed to make a difference with his Tampa 2 scheme. Many things that Marinelli was brought into fix are still issues. The defense still is a revolving door, both in personnel and in how they play. Discipline? Just ask Shawn Rogers about discipline. Or Joe Cullen, the drunk, naked, fast food eating laughingstock of a line coach. The taskmaster attitude hasn't yet helped in regard to mistakes, either. We still see the same mistakes over ans over, the ones that kill a team. Just go back to Sunday, when the offense had false start penalties on consecutive snaps. Now that's pure Lions football.

Marinelli may have a future as a head coach, but in the present, he has yet to make that much of a difference. Martz, on the other hand, has been huge. Jon Kitna is having a career year. Roy Williams is playing like an all-pro. Kevin Jones has become a threat, not only as a runner, but as a receiver. Mike Furrey has turned into the possession receiver that every team needs, much like Ricky Prohl was in Martz's St. Louis days. TE Dan Campbell, brought into block, averages nearly 17 yards a catch. Now that is what I call making a difference, people.

In my mind, all this speculation brings up another question. If Martz, crazy as he may be, is that important to the Lions future, then why isn't he the head coach to begin with? Martz had the experience and the track record as both a coordinator, and as the head man. Marinelli was a position coach, with no history of either. The Sarge was considered one of the best position coaches in the league, but was still just a position coach. If you are going to pay Martz like the head coach, as Killer suggests, you should have made him the man in charge to begin with.

Now the incompetent boob will find himself in another boondoggle. Martz is already getting attention for head jobs, if the Arizona rumors are to be believed. The Lions offense is light years ahead of what it was under Mariucci. Will it continue to be so if Martz leaves? No.

Martz is gone at the end of the year, pure and simple. If not to Arizona, to another offensively deficient team that is willing to put up with Martz's eccentricities, and make him their head coach. Millen and Marinelli were signing a deal with the devil when they inked Martz. For that 1 year of offensive innovation, you just may go back to once again struggling to complete a pass.

If Marinelli can't make some headway with the defense by next season, and keep the offense above water after Martz blows town, instead of losing games 31-24, the Lions will will be losing them 31-7.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Mike Martz, Rod Marinelli, NFL, football

I'm a Wolverines fan, and I HATE the Big House

I'd love to be able to talk about the Michigan - Ball St. nail biter. Truly, I would. There would be plenty to discuss, mostly bad, I'm guessing. But thanks to the Worldwide Leader playing hardball with cable operators, the game was broadcast on their ESPNU channel, better known for showing...Honestly, I don't know, because..I DON'T GET THE GOD DAMN CHANNEL!

The Worldwide Leader's corporate greed strikes again...

Considering the too close for comfort final score, Michigan may just be thanking their lucky stars that only those with a satellite dish were actually able to watch the game. Since dish owners are in the vast minority, you might just as well say that no one saw the game, save for drunks in bars, and those in person.

Personally, I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I have Comcast, and no longer have DirecTV, thus no Worldwide Leader U channel. For that matter, now that ease and comfort are large factors in determining if I attend a game, I refuse to spend 4 hours sitting in the most uncomfortable stadium in the universe. That being Michigan Stadium, the Big House.


Yes, I hate the Big House. I despise Michigan Stadium. And I'm a huge Wolverine fan. I'm not sure if I should be proud, or ashamed, to admit it.

You give me a choice between going to state of the art Ford Field to watch the hapless Lions, or going to decades out of date Michigan Stadium to watch the national title contending Wolverines, I'll pick the Lions and Ford Field every time.

Every time.

When I was younger, clueless, and drank more, I'd catch a couple of games at the Big House every season. Then I got older, a little more sober, and hopefully smarter. That's when I realized what a pain in the ass it was becoming. I stopped attending Michigan games a decade ago, just because I don't find being wedged in backless steel bleachers like sardines the ideal way to watch anything, let alone a football game. For me, an arthritis sufferer, going to the Big House is an exercise in slow miserable Big 10 style torture. The prisoners in Abu-Ghraib were more comfortable than I am in that big hole in the ground in Ann Arbor.


As much as people tend to romanticize the Big House, it really is a shit place to watch a game. It's a lousy facility, with not enough of anything. Not enough bathrooms, concession stands, comfortable seating, close parking, and loud fans. Wait, I'm sorry, there is enough of one thing. Quiet warm bodies. And that's not a good thing. Having over 110,000 fans crammed into what should be a 90,000 seat stadium is a sheer money grab. That, and the misguided thought that U of M should have the largest college football stadium on the country. Sure, the Wolverines can say that they have the highest attendance every season, but at what cost? Me, for one. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels the same way.

I don't like being treated like cattle on the way to slaughter, so I apologize for wanting for than 1 square foot to sit my sorry ass. As I'm neither Verne Troyer, nor a thalidomide baby, I need just a tad more room. My knees stick in the back of the fan in front of me. The person behind me has their sharp knees stuck in my back. I'm sitting fat cheek to sticky jowl with the people on each side of me. Baby Jessica had more room in the well she fell in than I did at the last Michigan game I attended. We were both scarred for life...

Michigan takes pride in the fact that they won't allow advertising in the Big House. First off, the thought that advertising is somehow beneath Michigan is bullshit. They are way off base with that statement, as NIKE has plastered their swoosh all over Michigan players, coaches, and staff. Personally, I'm all for advertising. Hell, if they allow ads inside the stadium, you'd think the athletic department could then afford to put backs on the damn seats!

College football is full of useless, past their prime, traditions. Fleabag bowl games, polls taken before the season starts, Joe Paterno. The thought that Michigan Stadium is perfect and the greatest facility in all the land is another of college ball's sheer follies.

For those that think nothing needs to be done to the Big House? We aren't living in the 60's, you damn hippies. Go find another useless cause to rebel against. And do not bring up tradition. Screw tradition! If tradition means that an out of date, uncomfortable stadium is scared territory, then Tiger Stadium would still be standing. Umm, wait a sec...Bad example, but you get my drift.


The Big House is well overdue for a big overhaul. For more than just a big ass ugly yellow halo. And those upgrades are finally coming. A decade or two late, but finally on the way.

I'm adding the Big House to the list of things that need fixing at Michigan. That list including Steve Breaston's hands, Mario Manningham's knee, Adrian Arrington's choice in women, and Lloyd Carr's sense of humor and offensive philosophy.

Tags: Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, college football, football, NCAA

The Lions beat the Falcons in impressive fashion. My response? 2-6

In a game few saw coming, the Lions beat the Falcons, handily. The Falcons looked more like the team who's season is already over. Michael Vick handled the ball the same way Marcus Vick handles revolvers in a McDonald's parking lot, that being not very well. Even still, the Lions looked like the better team. They looked good. Real good.

All I can say is color me unimpressed.

Why? You know who else looked good yesterday? The Miami Dolphins, lead by of all people, Joey Harrington. The Oakland Raiders, who we can all agree are the worst team in the NFL, are currently on a 2 game winning streak. Buffalo is out and out awful, and the Lions manhandled them 3 weeks ago. But the Bills throttled the Packers yesterday, who in turn manhandled the Lions earlier this season.

All these teams have something in common. Like the Lions, they ain't going anywhere other than direct to a top 10 draft pick.

That's why I'm not all that impressed.

It's the NFL. We see games like yesterday's on every week of every season. A good team loses to the less talented team all the time in the NFL. The difference is that the good teams will bounce back after a bad game. I'll bet the Falcons will win next Sunday. On the other hand, the Lions of the world just fall back into their losing ways the next week, unable to build upon those very occasional good victories. You want to put your beer money on the Lions to beat the 49ers? Without checking the line, I'll guarantee you that the Lions will be favored. Not by much, but they'll be giving 1-3 points. I like my beer too much to ever trust the Lions to win a game they are supposed to.

Look at the current NFL standings. The Lions' 2-6 record ties them with, get this, 5 other teams for the 2nd worst record in football. It most likely will be 6 teams after the Raiders play Seattle tonight. The ONLY team with a worse record is Arizona, and they are only 1 game behind at 1-7. So pardon me for not getting all giddy over a Lions victory, no matter how good they looked themselves, or how decent a team they beat in the Falcons. The only numbers that count are W-L.

2-6 is NOTHING to be enthused about.

Did we see some encouraging things? Sure. Roy Williams may just be the best wide out in football. Mike Furrey actually does something that a Lions #2 receiver hasn't done since Brett Perriman was picking up Herman Moore's scraps. That is, Furry CATCHES balls thrown to him, rather than bat it around like a dynamite filled volleyball. Kevin Jones is a solid, top tier NFL back. Stopgap or not, Jon Kitna is what he is, a serviceable upgrade over Joey Blue Skies. The O-line had a nice game. The defense played their best since the Seattle loss, despite having 3 of their top defensive linemen inactive.

None of it will mean a damn thing unless the Lions can string a few victories together.

You look at the upcoming games against San Francisco, Arizona, and Miami, and you might think that will give the Lions 2, maybe 3, victories. But...Those 3 teams see the Lions on their schedule and are thinking the same thing. "We play the Lions? Hot damn! That's a game we should win!"

Odds are, a couple of of those teams will beat the Lions. That's why I'm NOT getting my hopes up.

Still, a victory like yesterday's might sell you on the new head coach. In my mind, the jury is still out on Sgt. Marinelli. I'm not yet sure if he's the solution to what ails the Lions. Hell, Marty Mornhinweg managed to win a few games, so 2 wins by the Sarge is not nearly enough to convince me that he'll lead them to respectability, let alone the promised land called the playoffs. It's much too early in his tenure to judge anything, other than that the Sarge made a damn good hire in Mike Martz.

Win 2 or 3 games in a row, have a winning record in the back half of the season, and maybe, just maybe, I'll buy into Sgt. Marinelli's program. I'll judge him on the W-L record. I'm sure the Sarge would agree with that sentiment.

But I'll be judge, jury, and executioner on Matt Millen. The more wins the Lions do somehow get, the more entrenched that incompetent, porn 'stached boob running the Lions becomes. Remember, wins are bad, folks! Victories are not, I repeat, NOT, good at all in that regard.

Talk about a conundrum. As the Lions win, the more it proves that Marinelli just may be a good coach, but it means that the incompetent boob remains in charge. On the other hand, the more the Lions lose, the worse Millen looks. But does Marinelli deserve blame for being saddled with a boob of a GM, even if that boob hired him? It's a head scratcher, to say the very least.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. The question everyone is asking is what did the win over Atlanta mean? When all is said and done, the win doesn't mean anything, because we've seen it all before. The Lions have had several wins like Sunday's over the years, and did it lead anywhere? Only to more losses, crapped out draft picks, fired coaches, the thing that wouldn't leave, Matt Millen, and fans deluding themselves that the win is a sign of better times to come. Which, of course, never do.

It's all about the body of work, not 1 game. I'm not going to let 1 nice win convince me otherwise.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Atlanta Falcons, Matt Millen, NFL, football

Before I was so rudely interrupted...

I apologize for the lack of posts over the past couple of days. Hey, wait a second! Don't blame me! You can blame Comcast and their squirrelly cable internet service, which was out for more than a day.

Unfortunately, it's now the weekend, and I'll be away from my PC till late Sunday. I'll be back to normal posting on Monday.

Enjoy your weekend!

How good will the Pistons be? I couldn't tell you, and I don't think the Pistons know either

The Pistons' longest off-season in 3 years finally comes to an end tonight. And I'm not sure what in the Hell I should expect.

What I do expect, and this has never changed, is for the Pistons to win around 50 games, and be contenders for the Eastern Conference finals. Billups, 'Sheed, Prince, Hamilton, and Dice are all very good and all returning, which pretty much guarantees contending for the division, at the very least. That's without question.

But there are several things that I'm not sure of, and have no idea as to the answers. I can only make uneducated guesses...

What is the rotation is going to look like come April? Your guess is as good as mine. Right now we are hearing that 10 men are vying for PT. The top 5, plus Mohammed, Delfino, Maxiel, Murray, and Hunter.

Will that rotation go more than 7 players deep once April rolls around? How long has it been since we were first told that the Pistons would develop their bench? Since the Rick Carlisle era? So if you go by past history, including Flip Saunders running the starters + Dice out of gas last season, the answer is no. I'll have to see the bench play consistent minutes nightly to actually believe it.

Carlos Delfino - Player or tease? My guess is tease. Even the Pistons themselves don't know if Delfino is for real. Why else would we be hearing all the Jalen Rose rumors?

Nazr Mohammed - Player or a very poor man's Ben Wallace? Can I waffle and say somewhere in between? If you go by his stats per 48 minutes, the Pistons may have something. But why did he end up rotting on the Spurs bench during the '06 playoffs? There's an awful lot riding on how well Mohammed plays. I can guarantee one thing, though. Sometime during the season I'm going to go off on the Pistons lax interior D. Ben Wallace spoiled us over the past 5 years.

Jason Maxiel - Player or a poor man's Jerome Williams? I'll say that he's a player. Word is that he could be another Corliss Williamson in the making. If he can bring max energy coming off the bench, I think we'll all be happy.

Flip Murray - Player or a poor man's Carlos Arroyo? If you go by last season's Pistons - Cavs playoff war, Murray will be a contributor. Even still, I'll need more convincing. Start convincing me tonight, Flip...

Will Joe Dumars sign Jalen Rose? For that matter, if signed, can Rose contribute in a limited role? The competition is stiff for the former Wolverine, if you believe what you read. Rose is a Detroiter. The Pistons are a possible title contender. Seems like a match. But will Rose accept that he's no longer an impact player who would be more effective in limited minutes? Terry Foster thinks so, and is convinced that Rose will be a Piston. He could the the player fans have felt the Pistons have needed for several years. A shooter off the bench. Make it happen, Joe D.

Now that Ben Wallace is a Bull, can the Pistons score enough to cover for the additional points they are bound to give up? Honestly, I don't know. But in thinking back to previous seasons, and the long scoring droughts that this same basic cast has suffered through, I can't be that optimistic. This is where Flip Saunders now saying that he'll be using the entire playbook this season will come into play. Saunders is supposedly an offensive super genius. Flip believes can get serious points from his offensive sets without a "Superstar" on offense. The results we see will prove if the genius rep is deserved or not.

Who will be the most important Piston? With Ben Wallace gone with his Brinks truck to Chicago, this is now Chauncey Billups' team. This is also a contract year for Chauncey, as he will most assuredly opt out of his final year. If he wants a max contract, or something close, from the Pistons, the next 82 games will be spent making his case. All of the above could be moot if Billups doesn't play up to his capabilities, and at least have a season similar to last year. For the Pistons to make a long playoff run, Billups doesn't have to be the league MVP, but at least be on the short list. For that matter, he cannot run out of gas in the playoffs, unlike last season.

So, in the end, what do we know?

The Pistons will be good. Maybe really damn good, if they get some decent bench play, and the starters don't decline. But NBA Champion good? That remains to be seen, but I'd be surprised if they get out of the East.

I may be overly optimistic, but this admittedly biased fan says the Pistons get 54 wins, a number 2 seed, and that they will run out of steam, once again, in the conference finals.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Pistons, NBA, basketball

We finally know what the "L" stands for

"Lame Duck."

Just as I said yesterday, nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING, ever changes in East Lansing. Slap happy John L. Smith will have plenty of time to walk the earth and climb mountains, as the MSU administration will give John L the long overdue ziggy later today. He'll finish the season, and will coach Sparty in whatever fleabag bowl will have them.

Somehow, I find it hard to believe that the canning of John L will make any difference in the direction of the Spartan football program. I don't have much faith in a school that allows an evil mixture of boosters, politicians, trustees, administrators, Ron Mason, Tom Izzo, and George Perles (Not necessarily in that order) to pick a new coach.

With the decades long clusterfuck never ending in East Lansing, Sparty will never get anything better than mid-major level coaching talent. Expect either another gimmicky John L clone looking for his one big payday, or an up and comer using the Spartans as a stepping stone. If the MSU powers that be do manage to stumble upon a talented coach, say a Nick Saban, for example, he'll blow town at the first opportunity. I'm sure that they would prefer to coach at a school that doesn't have 25 cooks sticking their fingers the football broth.

Unlike a certain school in East Lansing.

Tags: Michigan, Michigan State, Spartans, NCAA, Big 10, football